Finding True Love in 8 Steps

Since it is Valentine’s Day, let’s talk about love. I am lucky to have met my husband when I was just 20 years old. I was not looking for love – I had just been broken up with by the first man I had ever said ‘I love you’ to. I didn’t throw around that phrase. It was not easy to say those words for the first time, and even worse when they were not reciprocated.

I do not regret that relationship or that decision. It is what ultimately opened me up to find love from my husband. You cannot accept love from someone else until you are truly ready.

Which made me wonder, what are the reasons that some of us find love and some of us still struggle for it? If I learned anything from the moment I met my husband, it is that you cannot be “looking” for love if you want to find it. When I walked into that dingy fraternity house basement, I was looking for some friendship and authenticity. When I scanned the room, I chose a green haired girl because she seemed creative, fun and authentic. She was the person I was going to meet and talk to that night. The fact that I never met the greed haired girl that night, is now a part of my love story with my husband. He was between me and the green haired girl and once I met him, I looked no further.

That night, I was myself. Authentically. I knew I was an art student in the basement of a brotherhood of accountants, business majors and engineers. I didn’t think I had anything in common with those boys so I sought out the person I physically related to – the green haired girl. What I found though, was that I did relate to one boy in particular.

What does that tell you? It tells me that what I thought I was and what I thought I wanted might not be accurate.

I believe there are at least 8 things you need to do in order to find love and they don’t require you to change who you are at all. They require you to BE who you really are:

  • Be yourself. Not what you think you are, but your true self (aka – you are not a hardcore art student, you like science and technology too – just admit it). If you don’t know what that is yet, then you need to spend the time finding that out. You cannot expect someone to love you if you don’t even know who you are.
  • Find out what is missing in your SELF. The healing, self development and self acceptance process MUST happen before you can let someone else in. You can’t expect someone else to love you if you don’t know and love yourself.
  • Throw away the Checklist. If I had gone into that basement with what I thought my ideal mate would be, it would not have the same physical appearance that my husband did. I thought I knew what I wanted, but love is blind. Accept it. You may think you want a partner with blonde hair, green eyes and tattoos, but you fall in love with a redhead with brown eyes and freckles. Checklists are for lovesick kids. Grow up.
  • Believe that you are WORTHY of love. If you don’t believe it, why should someone else believe it. Embrace your physical appearance and your personality – flaws and all. We are all worthy of love. Even serial killers make love connections. (eek)
  • Be vulnerable. This goes back to being yourself. (it’s so important I wrote it in here twice) Being authentic without apology is sexy. When you know who you are and let people see it all, it exudes confidence and is extremely attractive. Damn…it really is. Unfortunately, this is not easy for everyone because we live in a society of comparison and fear. Just know that you may piss off some people in the process of being vulnerable, but if you are authentic, you will find your tribe and align yourself with new people that breathe life into you daily. Yaaaaasss!
  • Get out of your house. You won’t meet anyone sitting on your sofa. Engage with society – get out of your comfort zone – say yes to invitations – be a part of your community. Again, find your tribe and some like-minded people!
  • Take your time. There is no rush. If you show that you are in a hurry to meet someone, bring them home to your parents, get an apartment together, get married and have children, you will most likely scare that person away. If not, you will miss out on growing together as a couple. Take your time and be present. This is the part where you truly discover how you complete each other.
  • COMMUNICATE. If my mother taught me anything it is that you MUST communicate with your new partner. If you don’t trust them enough to be vulnerable, then the relationship will never work out or you will never be happy in it. COMMUNICATE. COMMUNICATE. COMMUNICATE.

I am no relationship expert, but I know what worked for us.  Finding true love with someone else is attainable if you just stop looking for it and instead look inward. XOXO

2 Comments on “Finding True Love in 8 Steps

  1. I love that you two found each other because eventually your husband would play a role in my husband’s first date with me and I find you. A big full circle.

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